No one likes funerals. It’s a sad affair. However, for those who have (fortunately) not been to one (or relatively very few) it can be uncomfortable not to know what you should be wearing, doing or saying.

If you’re in this dilemma, then please do note the following tips. Remember that your presence and manners can affect grieving family members so it pays to follow the proper decorum.

Flowers, to send or not to send? It’s still very customary to send flowers for a funeral. However, nowadays, many families opt that you just send a donation to charity in lieu of spending on flowers. For one, most funeral homes will probably already have such appropriate flower arrangements so any other extras may hardly be noticed, and quite frankly, may be a waste of money on your end.

So what do you do? If you REALLY want to send flowers, consider sending them to the family’s home instead of the funeral place.

What to wear. We’ve come a long way from wearing ‘only black’ to funerals. This does not mean to say though that you should be disrespectful by wearing extremely casual, bright, or provocative clothes that shout ‘look at me’!

You can wear white as it’s a sign of purity and cleanliness. Any other dark-toned clothes or suits are also appropriate.

The first thing to do after you arrive at a funeral is to give your condolences to grieving family members. After this, only then should you mingle with other mourners.

Approaching the casket. It is not mandatory to approach the coffin during a funeral but it is considered polite to do so and perhaps offer a short prayer, especially if you were close to the departed.

Bringing food. Instead of flowers, you can bring food. If you’re visiting the deceased family’s home, you can try bringing a dish that’s easy to heat up such as lasagna or a casserole dish. Cooking and feeding visitors offering their condolences are from the family’s mind and so you really help them by doing this.

Even at the funeral home you can do this. However, instead of meal dishes, consider bringing tea cookies or light sandwiches instead.

Up next… Funeral Etiquette 101 – Part 2

CT Style: Funeral Pre-Planning (Funeral Pre Need) - Howard K. Hill

Losing someone dear to you is painful enough. It is an agonizing truth that this person will never be able to share memories with you again, but what’s even harder for those people whom he or she left behind are the decisions to be made. Decisions about the remains, what to do thereafter, and where the funeral will be held, be it in a funeral home or at the place where the family gathers together during special times. Even more burdensome about any funeral is the thought of choosing funeral services and crematories. These factors will altogether put more load on those who are left behind by their loved ones.

A funeral home should be a cozy and comfortable place to stay not only for the loved one who has passed away, but also for the mourning family members. The Funeral Rule enacted in 1984 and rewritten in 1994 was passed for the purpose of protecting families across the United States from abuse that often occur in funeral homes at the time when bereaving members are most vulnerable.

Funeral Services and Crematories

There are several reasons as to why funeral services and crematories are chosen over the traditional rites in a funeral home. The top reason for that is because funeral services and crematories are much less expensive. It is a preference made by many Americans since it uses less land, it is much simpler, and it is even environment-friendly. Another reason why cremation is the preferred choice is that the ashes can be strewn or “scattered” back to the earth. Others may even keep the ashes and place it at an important corner of their home which will serve as a keepsake or a remembrance.

Nowadays, cremation is a practical way of memorial and disposition. By definition, cremation is the process of reducing the human remains into the basic elements such as bone fragments and the likes by undergoing heat or fire. In contrast to superstition, the remains found in cremation are not ashes yet they are coined as it is as a general thought.

In 2001, about 27 percent of deaths in the United States led to cremation from just 6 percent in 1975 and approximately 400,000 cremations are held annually in a crematorium. The Western Coast leads as the highest state-by-state cremation percentage with currently seven states with over 50 percent of those deaths lead to cremation.

The Process of Cremation

Cremation is a complex process which involves a lot of steps. The entire process will take about an hour and a half to burn the body and reduce it by 80 kg every hour. The cremation is held in a crematorium which houses several cremators. A cremator is much like a furnace except in this case, a corpse is being burned. Only one corpse is cremated at a time as this may pose not only several legal issues but moral issues as well. But at times, there are some exemptions, such as a deceased mother cremated along with her unborn or stillborn child. Before the entire cremation process can begin, the corpse is checked thoroughly to ensure jewelries and prosthetics are removed, and the cremation process will begin.

The death of a loved one will always be painful. Grief is the only emotion felt and it will always be there. Missing the person you love will pacify you from doing the routine work you used to do. But, preparing him or her for the next life with respect will help ease the pain. Be it by cremation or by an interment in a funeral home, a solemn and respectful ceremony will somehow relieve the pain and the grief caused by the loss of a loved one.

When a loved one passes away, the remaining family members and friends often have to make a number of decisions about the funeral. In most cases, these decisions have to be made quickly in the midst of great emotional duress.

Such decisions leave many questions to be answered:

• What type of funeral should we have?
• What funeral provider should we choose?
• Should we cremate or bury the body? Should we donate it to science?
• What does the law require us to buy?
• What other arrangements should we plan?
• How much is everything going to cost?

Every year, Americans spend billions of dollars planning over two million funerals. During this process, many questions like those listed above have to be confronted and settled. With this in mind, a growing trend has emerged in which individuals are choosing pre-need planning (the process of making funeral arrangements in advance). This trend implies that more and more consumers want to compare services and prices before making a final decision. Taking this route, consumers are able to arrange a funeral that reflects a purchasing decision that is meaningful as well as prudent and informed.

There are, essentially, two phases to planning a funeral. During the first phase, you work in conjunction with your local funeral director to go over your options. After you’ve narrowed down your choices and arranged the actual ceremony, the second phase involves the arrangement of financing.

Planning a Funeral Ceremony

1. Decide on the kind of service you want.

• Small or large?
• Traditional or creative?

These days, a number of families plan funerals that reflect the accomplishments and contributions and accomplishments of their dearly departed loved one.

2. Select the final resting place.

• Mausoleum?
• Cemetery plot?
• Cremation? If you choose to be cremated, what would you like to be done with your ashes?

Considering your options far in advance is much better than rushing to make a decision on such a sensitive issue. Give yourself time to think about what best suits your preferences and lifestyle.

With the assistance of your personal funeral home funeral director, you can arrange a funeral that will be a tribute to the deceased that is both dignified and personal.